One year ago

I haven't written in a long time. I don't know why. I don't know what that means. I don't know what I'll do in the future. I still love the idea of blogging, but, I guess I just haven't really had much to say that I think will be of interest to anyone.

But, I needed to write today. See, one year ago today, something amazing happened. One year ago today, our egg donor went into an operating room and had 23 eggs removed from her ovaries. And, she gave them to me. 19 of those eggs fertilized and one of them became my incredible daughter.

The decision to use donor egg is not an easy one. As you know, I struggled with it for a long time. But, I never doubted the love I would feel for a baby conceived from donor egg and, looking at my daughter, there is absolutely no question in my mind that she is the baby I am supposed to be momma to!

This may sound strange, but, I am actually grateful for all of my years of infertility because, without them, I wouldn't have Alana. But, mostly, I owe my life to a woman I will never meet but who gave me the greatest gift someone can give another person. She gave me my baby.

Happy conception day, my love!

Alana's Baby Naming

Wow, it's been almost a month since I've written. Sorry!!! The last few weeks have been very hectic. Alana got her days and nights straight, so, we've been getting some decent sleep at night, but, she's up most days. This kid either sleeps all day or is awake all day, refusing to take a nap! Plus, I really like getting out with her, so, we've been doing things most days, whether she's awake or not!

But, what's really kept me busy has been planning Alana's baby naming. In the jewish faith, a baby girl is named in temple when the Torah is read. She is supposed to be named the first time the Torah is read after she is born, which often means she isn't even there. Glenn and my parents went to temple the Saturday after she was born (we were still in the hospital) and she was officially named. However, we wanted to do something for friends and family, something that would have meaning for us.

So, this past Saturday, we, again, named Alana in front of the Torah. The rabbi allowed me to write the ceremony, so I was able to choose prayers and readings that were meaningful for us and for our family and I was able to have many people participate. For instance, during the ceremony, I explained who she was named after. While I was doing that, I had someone who was close to that particular person holding Alana as I explained who that person was and why we named after him or her.

Also, for the jewish girls reading this who know what this means, I chose to learn and chant the haftorah. I can't really explain it, but, there felt like no better way for me to honor my family, both those here and those no longer with us, and to show my commitment to educating my daughter in the jewish faith then by doing this on the day that she was officially introduced to the jewish community.

As you may know, a huge snowstorm was predicted for this past Saturday, but, somehow, it spared our area and, although we did lose some family and friends, many more people were able to make it then we thought just a day earlier. It ended up being an absolutely beautiful and meaningful day as Alana was named, introduced to the community, and met much of her extended family and friends, including some who have been so very supportive of me throughout our struggles!!

Go to sleep!!

Whoever said that pregnancy-induced insomnia is supposed to prepare you for being up at all hours of the night was a big liar! Huge liar!! There is nothing that can prepare you for lack of sleep!!

I really can't complain. Alana sleeps great - from 3:00am to 7:00 or 8:00am. She also tends to sleep great around 10:00 in the morning (when, of course, mommy should take a nap, but, has yet to). When she doesn't/won't/can't sleep is anywhere between the hours of 7:00pm and 3:00am! I keep trying different things, but, no matter what I do, she just cannot fall asleep during these hours. OK, that's not entirely true. She can, sometimes, fall asleep. She just cannot STAY asleep!

Right now, at 1:00 in the morning, she is in her swing, looking around. But, at least she is quiet! Hopefully she'll fall asleep within the next half hour or so and I'll be able to carry her upstairs and, again, hopefully, she'll stay asleep. Until it's time to eat again in about 2 hours....

As Glenn says, she's lucky she's so cute!!

Oh, and guess who celebrated her one month birthday on Saturday?!

But, I think she quickly grew tired of mommy's photo shoot...

Asking for your vote!

Alana is up for the Best of 2009 on our photographer's website!!! If you'd like to vote for her, head over here and vote for #2!! Voting ends at midnight tonight!!

And, while there, check out Tina's amazing work!! Alana's full gallery from our photo shoot is available here and the password is star! I am in awe of the beautiful images she captured!!

Ready for her closeup

Meet Alana!





Now, while Mommy is working on her photography skills and has yet to capture a picture of Alana where she doesn't look sad or angry, Tina at Life is a Highway Photography has mastered the art of taking newborn pictures!! Please check out her sneak preview of Alana and, if you would like, leave a comment after the photos (50 comments gets us a prize and 100 comments gets us a better prize!). I cannot wait to see the rest of the photos because I'm going to wear out my computer screen (if such a thing was possible) looking at the first one!

My daughter is a week old today!!!!

Oh, blog world, I am so very sorry that I have let a whole week go by without announcing the birth of the love of my life!! For some reason, I was unable to get online at the hospital, even though they have wireless, and with other things going on, I just wasn't able to troubleshoot it.

Alana Anna Aaryn M(lastname) was born on Wednesday, 12/9, at 12:25 in the afternoon via c-section. There is no way I could adequately put into words what I felt at that moment, so, I won't even try, at least not today when I'm a ball of hormones. Let's just say that it's like nothing I ever knew possible!

We ended up spending an extra night in the hospital for two reasons. The blood pressure issues I had in the weeks leading up to delivery continued after and, in fact, got worse. I was constantly monitored for preeclampsia, but, in the words of the doctor, on paper, I was perfect. All of my results were, not just good, but perfect. I just have this moderately high pressure that they can't seem to get completely under control. I'm under the care of a hypertension doctor now and they have adjusted my medicine a couple of times and we're watching it very closely.

But, having the spend an extra night in the hospital was actually a blessing in disguise because, the night before we were supposed to leave, Alana developed a fever and was sent to the NICU. Imagine how scary it is when a doctor comes into your room at 3:00am and tells you that your perfectly healthy baby has a fever, is being taken to the NICU for testing, and may need a spinal tap! Thankfully, by the time they admitted her to the NICU, her fever had dropped and never went high again. All of her test results came back normal, no spinal tap was needed, and they think the high reading could have just been a fluke.

They told me she would have to stay for 48 hours after being admitted, which would have been Tuesday, while I was going to be released Monday. I know it would have only been one night, but, the thought of leaving without her was devastating. But, thanks to a wonderful NICU pediatrician who stayed on top of all of her negative test results, she was released with me and we came home Monday night!!!

Yesterday was a whirlwind, so, today is really the first day I've had time to get online and post. I hope you'll all forgive me and I promise to get a couple of pictures up very very soon!!! She is so incredibly gorgeous and I am more in love than I ever knew possible!

Every single time Glenn and I walked out of a hospital over the last four years, and sadly, there have been way too many times, I said to him "next time we walk out of a hospital, we should be bringing home our baby". It didn't happen for a very long time, but, Monday night, I finally walked out of a hospital with my baby....and, after seeing her for the first time, it was one of the most emotional moments of my life!!!

The Final Countdown

After three trips to L&D for extended monitoring, and three trips back home without the baby, the time has finally arrived!

I am having a baby tomorrow!

OK, I have a perinatologist appointment in an hour and will likely be sent for monitoring because my blood pressure is still really high. The big question is whether they will keep me and deliver today, keep me and deliver, as scheduled, tomorrow, or send me home like every other time. So, yes, there is a chance I'll have the baby today, but, if not, I am having a baby tomorrow!!!!

I have so much I want to say, but, I'm going to save it until after she is here and we are both safe and, G-d willing, healthy.

So, stay tuned!!!