The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Yep, I'm sort of re-using that title from a couple of weeks ago, but, it's appropriate for what I'm posting today and I just really don't have the energy to come up with something else.

The Good
That thing that they removed during my hysteroscopy/D&C on Friday was NOT cancerous or infected! It was simply an overgrowth of endometrial tissue. This was a huge, huge relief!!

The Bad
In my routine pre-op bloodwork, they found that I have the Anti-M antibody. My limited understanding at this time is that it is of no risk to me. The problem is that it can attack the blood of an unborn baby, through the placenta, and cause hemolytic disease to the baby, resulting in anywhere from the need for a blood transfusion to death. This is basically all that Dr. Expert told me about it. He thinks the risk is not too high, but, he has never seen this (in all of his vast years of experience - great, I have something that weird) and he wants me to see a hematologist. He recommended two in the city who specialize in maternal hematology so, I'm not going to play around and look for one in Jersey and I'm going to go see one of them. He said they need to assess the level of risk of me having a baby at all!

And, if the hematologist says that it's OK to go forward (with major caution - I will always be a high-risk pregnancy because of this), well, then, that still doesn't solve the whole infertility problem and I'm still putting all of my eggs (so to speak) in the basket of IVF #6 with the prayers that it works.

If anybody knows ANYTHING about the anti-M antibody, either in pregnancy (which you can find googling) or just in general, I would love to hear it, especially if you are TTC and had to meet with a hematologist yourself about it.

The Ugly
Me. I'm really trying not to sink into the depths of despair, to be cliche, but, I'm finding it difficult. I have another little blood issue that I haven't discussed here yet because I'm waiting for more information from a rheumatologist on it, but, between that and this and, oh yeah, still infertile, it's really hard not to be, I don't know sad and overwhelmed by it all. I have really felt that I've handled 3 years of infertility, 5 attempted IVF's, 2 cancelled IVF's, 2 IUI's, an ectopic, and a m/c pretty well. I guess finding out about these two blood things, particularly this last one, so late in the game, after having been through so much already, and wondering if my first clinic and Dr. Hope should have picked up on either or both of them, is really enough to make me want to yell UNCLE already and just go into hiding for a while.

I'm not going to. I'll push through this and see what the rheumatologist and the hematologist have to say and move on to IVF #6 if everyone agrees it's OK to do so. I'm just feeling really emotionally raw and ugly right now....