Thursday, July 31, 2008

Hi from Chicago

First of all, I'm sorry that I haven't been a good commenter this week. I have been trying to keep up with everyone's blogs, but, my computer time is extremely limited (pretty much can only be online between midnight and 6:00am and sleep has become more of a necessity than blogging!). But, rest assured, I am reading and thinking about everyone!

I am in Chicago, well, Rosemont, IL, to be exact, for the National Sports Collectors Annual National Convention. Glenn and I have a side business dealing in sports and Americana collectibles, primarily from the 19th century, and this is our big show of the year.

So, my week of vacation is being spent in the Rosemont convention center. Jealous, I know! At one point today, Glenn turned to me and said "hey, this is as good as the beach, right?". I think all of the fluorescent lighting may have made the poor boy temporarily delusional!

So, I don't have much happening. I'm reading Unsung Lullabies (purchased from Amazon!) and will write about my reactions later.

Next stop for me is my endometrial biopsy for my coculture. It has to be done 5-12 days after detection of your LH surge. I am tentatively scheduled for the procedure next Tuesday (Clinic C only performs them on Tuesdays and Thursdays), but, in order for that to happen, my pee stick has to show the surge by tomorrow. If not, I guess I'll be rescheduled for Thursday. I'd like to get it over with on Tuesday because we get home from Chicago on Monday and it would be nice to just get it over with the next day.

Even more exciting is that, once I detect that surge, I start counting and begin the estrogen patches 10 days later for IVF #6. It's starting to feel like this IVF is really going to happen and, yes, I'm getting excited for it!

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Bad Blogger!

I have been such a bad blogger lately. I've been reading a lot and commenting a lot (thank you ICLW!!), but, I haven't been posting in my own blog with the kind of frequency that I like.

I'm not sure why. Life has been a little overwhelming lately. Work has been extremely busy (in fact, I'm working today, or at least, should be, but, now is when I decided to write this post). We found out this week that Glenn has to have another angioplasty and stent put in. We're in the countdown to begin IVF #6! And, this week, my cat had to be put down. In the spirit of full disclosure, she only lived with me for 1 year and then with my parents for the next 11+ years, but, I still thought of her as my cat (even if nobody else did). I wondered, at one point, given the balance of her habitation location, how much I was really allowed to grieve.

Hmm, I just thought of something as I was typing those last lines. I wonder if women who give their children for adoption feel that way? I would imagine that many of them do. I left my cat with my parents because I took a job that required 100% travel and that wasn't fair for her. Many women who give their children to someone else to raise do so for similar reasons - to offer that child a better life. But, deep down, in a place they may not want to go too often, I would imagine they still think of that child as theirs.

I think maybe that's why open adoption, the trend in the US, scares me. I'm glad there are choices out there and, for some couples, open adoption is exactly what they want. But, for me, I don't think I want to "know" the woman who would think of my child as her own. I know that it sounds selfish, and we're not there yet, but, if we do end up pursuing adoption, I hope the option of closed adoptions still exists.

Wow, this post went in a completely different direction than I intended when I started writing it!

Monday, July 21, 2008

Barnes & Noble vs. Amazon

I'm reading a blog today and the writer is talking about this book Unsung Lullabies: Understanding and Coping with Infertility. Frankly, I'm shocked that I haven't heard of it (OK, maybe I've been living under a rock for the last 6 months). So, I decided I needed to order it.

I went online to because I'm a member of their club and get a discount on all books. I added the book to my shopping cart and, being the good merchandiser they are, they recommended some other books that "You may also like". Here's what they recommended to me:
  • Managing Contraceptive Pill Patients
  • Contraceptive Technology with CD-ROM (apparently that's been my problem - I didn't have the CD to show me what I needed to do!)
  • Six Steps to Increased Fertility: An Integrated Mind/Body Program to Promote Conception
  • How to Get Pregnant
Is it just me, or do these books, or, at least, some of them, seem like strange recommendations to someone purchasing a book on understanding and coping with infertility?? Contraceptives? How to Get Pregnant? Um, I know how to get pregnant - it just doesn't work!

I was intrigued and decided to check out Amazon to see what they would offer. I added the same book to my cart there and here's what they recommended:
  • The Empty Picture Frame
  • Empty Womb, Aching Heart
  • Hannah's Hope: Seeking G-d's Heart in the Midst of Infertility
  • Sweet Grapes: How to Stop Being Infertile and Start Living Again
  • Conquering Infertility
  • I Am More Than My Infertility
  • When You Are Coping With Infertility
  • Infertility Sucks!
  • Laughin'fertility
Makes more sense, doesn't it? Not only did I purchase the intended book, I bought two others along with it.

Amazon wins.

Monday, July 14, 2008

"...significant risk to our advertisers."

Yep, that's what seems to think my account is. I got an email from them about a month ago stating that my account, my little blog, has posed a significant risk to their advertisers.

Translate - they believe that I have a band of merry men out there erroneously clicking away, in the hopes of making me somewhere around $.01 a click.

Hmmm, I must also be offering them each a 30% kickback because, really, why would anyone just sit there all day and click for me? Who has time for that?

While I really didn't care about having the ads restored, I do not like being accused of something of which I am not guilty, so, I appealed, basically, on the grounds of ludicrousness. Today I got an email stating that they have "reconfirmed" this, apparently, significant risk.

So, they've shut me down for good. Whatever. Good riddance. Now I can stop seeing ads for friggin' balloons from a post in mid-May!

Friday, July 11, 2008


I'm sorry, folks, I got home from the leg doppler ultrasounds and the echo-stress test yesterday and I was just emotionally and physically drained and couldn't post anything.

I have been cleared! My heart is fine. There is no problem with my aorta and no evidence of any blockages in my heart or in my legs.

Now, I have officially been cleared to cycle next month and can allow myself to get excited about it!

Thank you all for all of your comments, well-wishes, and prayers! The last three months, with seeing 4 -ologists and having umpteen tests and procedures, have been terribly stressful and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted, now that it seems like everything is looking OK!

Monday, July 7, 2008

Why does everything point to the same thing?

I just came from getting my echocardiogram, one of the tests I mentioned last week that the cardiologist has ordered. I have no results yet, or I would share them.

As I got on the table and looked at the ultrasound machine and video display, my first thought was how nice it was to be next to one of those machines and not have my legs spread! But, when she put the wand thingie on my chest and I saw my heart beating, I forgot all about the other kind of machine and was mesmerized. There was my heart, beating, beating, beating. Technology is truly fascinating!

That lasted about 15 seconds. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I don't really want to be looking at my heart beating (not that I want it to stop!!). I want to be looking at my baby's heart beating, the one that, despite all of my attempts, isn't inside of me, growing like it should be. I should be looking at a tiny little heart beating. Not the big one that, G-d willing, doesn't have any problems.

Tears began to trickle out of my eyes. Little did I know that it could get worse. She turned the volume on. There I was, laying there, transfixed by the heart on the screen, hearing the whoosh/beating sound of that heart, wishing it didn't belong to me, or, more accurately, wishing it belonged to the baby that belonged to me, all the while suffering the silent pain of someone who just didn't want to explain to another person why she was crying at this seemingly innocuous test.

I got through it. I survived. But, I left wondering if there would ever be a time when everything wouldn't be a reminder of my infertility....

OK, onto something good! Emily, at What to Expect When You're NOT Expecting graced me with a nomination for a Pink Rose Award! This was created by the lovely Kymberli as a way to honor those who inspire you or need to be inspired, to those who have encouraged you or those who need encouragement.

I'm honored that Emily takes the time to read my blog and comments so regularly!! I, in turn, would like to nominate katedaphne over at It's Either Sadness or Euphoria. I always find her posts well written, well thought out and, well, just darn interesting. And, how can I not love a girl who posts the entire text of the Declaration of Independence?!

Here are the rules:

1. On your blog, copy and paste the award, these rules, a link back to the person who selected you, and a link to this post: You will find the story behind the Pink Rose Award and other graphics to choose from there.

2. Select as many award recipients as you would like, link to their blogs (if they have one), and explain why you have chosen them.

3. Let them know that you have selected them for an award by commenting on one of their posts.

4. If you are selected, pass it on by giving the Pink Rose Award to others.

5. If you find that someone you want to nominate has already been selected by someone else, you can still honor them by posting a comment on their award post stating your reasons for wishing to grant them the award.

6. You do not have to wait until someone nominates you to nominate someone else.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Please read and act, if you so desire

I've mentioned this once or twice, but, for those of you who don't know, my mother has been on dialysis for almost 2 years now due to complete renal failure. She, in the last month, was approved to go on the kidney transplant list, but, we don't know how long that will take and she will continue on dialysis until such time as a match is found. Additionally, Glenn lost his father to diabetic complications, including renal failure.

The United States House of Representatives has passed a bill that would improve Medicare's End Stage Renal Disease program, but, the Senate, after a very close vote, rejected it. The Senate is now drafting its own legislation, but, it is vitally important that they not drop the provisions related to this program.

If you so desire, please click here and send a letter to your Senators telling them how important this program is. If you are outside the US and feel strongly about this, feel free to use my zip code - 07014 - to get to the letter.

Thank you, my friends.