"At times other people's pregnancies really bother me, especially if they're totally unexpected. My husband doesn't get it, and I can't really explain it to him. I'm trying to think of a good analogy...?"
So, it got me thinking, is it really other people's pregnancies that bother me? I don't think so. Seeing pregnant women has never been all that difficult for me. It's seeing the babies that result from those pregnancies, knowing how hard we've tried for one, that makes me want to crawl into a hole and never see the light of day again.
My analogy. Ready for this? It's like wanting a balloon. You go to the park and see others carrying beautifully colored balloons, all colors of the rainbow, and decide you want one yourself. For whatever reason, you can't walk up to the balloon vendor and get one. He's giving them out to others, but looks at you and shakes his head. So, you say to yourself, OK, I'll find another way to get that coveted balloon. I'll go to the store and pay someone lots of money to give me all the components necessary to help make my balloon. But, certainly, I'm young and healthy and don't need to be too extreme. So, I'll just take the piece of latex and a foot pump. Then, you pump and you pump and you pump and, nothing, the balloon won't blow up.
Here's a decision point. Do you try something more aggressive to blow up the balloon? Or do you give up your dream of the balloon and look at a kite or a pinwheel instead? They are just as much fun, but, not exactly the balloon you've been thinking about your whole life. Meanwhile, you can't help but notice all of the new balloon owners that have cropped up while you've had your head down pumping away, walking around so happily, showing off their beautiful new balloons.
So, you decide to try something more aggressive and, instead of the foot pump, you get a helium tank. Certainly this has to work! Because of the amount of time you've spent in that park, you've come to know so many other people who have struggled with getting their balloons, but, the helium tank was the perfect solution for them and now they are happily and proudly walking around with their beautiful balloons. It has to work for you!
At first, the helium tank seems to be working! It's producing more air than your foot pump ever did. Your hopes grow. But, sadly, in the end, that balloon just didn't want to be blown up. Hmm, let's try another balloon. It may take several attempts, but, lo and behold, the balloon is inflating! Yea!! You begin to picture yourself with the balloon. You figure out timing of when that balloon will be fully blown up. You maybe even tell some people that your balloon is finally inflating and, in just a short time, you will be able to proudly walk around the park with yours, too!
And, then, suddenly, your balloon bursts (pun intended) and that balloon will never be again.
Decision point, yet again. Same questions - try another balloon? Look for a different toy? Or, maybe for the first time, you start to think about what it would be like to not have any balloons or toys at all and only be able to admire them from afar, never meant to have one in your hands.
And, still, more and more balloons seem to be appearing in the park. You notice that some people are even carrying two or three. You long to be one of the balloon bearers, but, despite everything you've done, you're still sitting on the park bench with nothing more than a depleted helium tank and a burst balloon.
This is the life of an infertile.