I have been such a bad blogger lately. I've been reading a lot and commenting a lot (thank you ICLW!!), but, I haven't been posting in my own blog with the kind of frequency that I like.
I'm not sure why. Life has been a little overwhelming lately. Work has been extremely busy (in fact, I'm working today, or at least, should be, but, now is when I decided to write this post). We found out this week that Glenn has to have another angioplasty and stent put in. We're in the countdown to begin IVF #6! And, this week, my cat had to be put down. In the spirit of full disclosure, she only lived with me for 1 year and then with my parents for the next 11+ years, but, I still thought of her as my cat (even if nobody else did). I wondered, at one point, given the balance of her habitation location, how much I was really allowed to grieve.
Hmm, I just thought of something as I was typing those last lines. I wonder if women who give their children for adoption feel that way? I would imagine that many of them do. I left my cat with my parents because I took a job that required 100% travel and that wasn't fair for her. Many women who give their children to someone else to raise do so for similar reasons - to offer that child a better life. But, deep down, in a place they may not want to go too often, I would imagine they still think of that child as theirs.
I think maybe that's why open adoption, the trend in the US, scares me. I'm glad there are choices out there and, for some couples, open adoption is exactly what they want. But, for me, I don't think I want to "know" the woman who would think of my child as her own. I know that it sounds selfish, and we're not there yet, but, if we do end up pursuing adoption, I hope the option of closed adoptions still exists.
Wow, this post went in a completely different direction than I intended when I started writing it!