Saturday, July 26, 2008

Bad Blogger!

I have been such a bad blogger lately. I've been reading a lot and commenting a lot (thank you ICLW!!), but, I haven't been posting in my own blog with the kind of frequency that I like.

I'm not sure why. Life has been a little overwhelming lately. Work has been extremely busy (in fact, I'm working today, or at least, should be, but, now is when I decided to write this post). We found out this week that Glenn has to have another angioplasty and stent put in. We're in the countdown to begin IVF #6! And, this week, my cat had to be put down. In the spirit of full disclosure, she only lived with me for 1 year and then with my parents for the next 11+ years, but, I still thought of her as my cat (even if nobody else did). I wondered, at one point, given the balance of her habitation location, how much I was really allowed to grieve.

Hmm, I just thought of something as I was typing those last lines. I wonder if women who give their children for adoption feel that way? I would imagine that many of them do. I left my cat with my parents because I took a job that required 100% travel and that wasn't fair for her. Many women who give their children to someone else to raise do so for similar reasons - to offer that child a better life. But, deep down, in a place they may not want to go too often, I would imagine they still think of that child as theirs.

I think maybe that's why open adoption, the trend in the US, scares me. I'm glad there are choices out there and, for some couples, open adoption is exactly what they want. But, for me, I don't think I want to "know" the woman who would think of my child as her own. I know that it sounds selfish, and we're not there yet, but, if we do end up pursuing adoption, I hope the option of closed adoptions still exists.

Wow, this post went in a completely different direction than I intended when I started writing it!


Emily said...

Sorry to hear life is a bit overwhelming lately... You have A LOT going on. Best of luck and well wishes for Glenn's upcoming procedures and here's to #6 for you guys!

Interesting thoughts on adoption. Thought provoking!

Anonymous said...

When we were thinking about adoption I was COMPLETELY where you are on this "open vs closed" debate. Like you said, for some it is the perfect situation and they are comfortable with it. For me, however selfish it would be, I didn't really want to have "her" in every Christmas, birthday or first day of school picture. It was for that reason (and others) we were looking into international adoption. Sorry to hear about your cat. Hope Glenn's procedures go well and your IVF #6 is the one that makes you not have to talk about adoption any more!

(ICLW visitor)

MamaSoon said...

Good luck with your IVF cycle. I am about to start bcps for my third ivf. I wish you and your husband relief and good results. (ICLW)

Star said...

I totally get where you're coming from on open adoptions. I think I would feel the same way, even though it is not the "PC" thing right now. Heck, I wouldn't have considered a nanny even if we could have afforded that because I didn't want DS to have a strong attachment to a person not his parent (which, like open adoption, is supposed to be the "better" thing). When you go through so much to become a parent, you kind of want your child all to yourself. I admire people who are more open to sharing their child's affection, but I'm not there yet. Here from ICLW.

Ariella said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I stuggled this week with how much I was alowed to grieve for Zoe too but realized I loved her and THAT not who she lived with was what mattered.

As for your thoughts on open adoption I have to competly disagree but I also understand how you feel that way. If not for friends who have open adpotions I might be inclined to agree with you.

Sassy said...

I can understand where you're coming from with your concerns about open adoption, but for me it's more about my child knowing where they came from and how they got there. I'd love a potential adoptive child of ours to have a relationship with it's birth family, to know that they were loved and the decision wasn't a rejection of them. That to me, would be more important than my feelings of insecurity (which I'm sure I'd have).

Dagny said...

Sorry about your kitty. :(


Ms Heathen said...

Interesting thoughts on adoption. Here in the UK, the trend is increasingly towards open adoptions, the assumption being that it helps the child to make sense of who they are.

I hope that all goes well both with Glenn's angioplasty and with your upcoming cycle of IVF.

And so very sorry to hear about your kitty.

soapchick said...

I hope things calm down for you soon! I would feel the same way about my cats - they are my babies....especialy until a human baby arrives, if that ever happens. Hang in there!

Wishing 4 One said...

so sorry to hear about your kitty. i so know how hard it is, my florenzo has been sick lately and I feel the pain of his pain. hoping for glenn's procedures to be quick and successful and your countdown to #6 short and sweet. thinking of you....xoxoxoxo

Bee Cee said...

Sorry to hear about your cat, it's so distressing when pets go.

Hope Glen's procedure goes well and that #6 goes well. Nearly catchin u...just started #5.