Thursday, April 23, 2009

How annoying is the word "think"?

This morning's ultrasound was done by a doctor that I don't particularly like in the practice. There is definitely a nice gestational sac and yolk sac. He "thinks" he saw a fetal pole and, if so, it's measuring 5weeks 6 days, which makes sense (by the calendar I'm 6w1d, but, with my slow start, I think this makes sense). He "thinks" he saw a heartbeat (you could clearly see the flashing on screen), but, he "thinks" it might be my heartbeat and not the baby's. He measured my heart rate against the one he was seeing and they were very similar. He told my my heart was beating really fast - think I might be a little anxious, huh?!

Honestly, he can take his "thinking" and shove it where the sun don't shine.....

OK, I know that sounds harsh, but, this goes back a long way. He was on morning duty the entire week of my Fall '07 miscarriage, so, I had to see him multiple times and, even then, while he's a nice man, I just never felt like he was overly thorough. And that feeling was magnified today. Maybe if he spent a little more time looking, he might be able to prove or disprove what he "thinks". Remember, I have the benefit of having had at least 20 different RE's "in me" (as Glenn likes to put it), so, I have plenty to compare him against and, frankly, he doesn't measure up.

My beta. It has gone up to 9916. So, the doubling continues to slow down (as some believe it should), and, while this is the highest beta I've ever had, and I'm really, really happy about that, I secretely wish it was a little bit higher (although, I swear, I'm not stressing it too much!).

I'm feeling pretty emotionally raw today. I don't want anyone to think that I've given up hope, because I absolutely haven't! I truly know that this can still turn out wonderfully and what happened today isn't necessarily bad at all. It's just all feeling a little too deja vu-ey to me, when they kept bringing me back looking for a heartbeat that never materialized. And, it's magnified by the fact that two years ago yesterday was my due date from IVF #1, the one that resulted in an ectopic pregnancy.

So, we still wait. Next ultrasound is Monday......hopefully we'll see someone who "knows" rather than "thinks"!

17 comments:

Ariella said...

Lisa, I know many many people who have their betas slow down once they hit the thousand mark so your numbers still look great to me. Hang in there girl. Hopefully Monday you will get a better dr who can actually give you some reassurance.

IVF 40+ said...

wow. tough time. i agree with with Ariella - hopefully Monday will bring some reassurance.

Emily said...

I hate that you are stuck in this u/s limbo! That doc can bite me - he pisses me off with his "I think" crap.

I THINK your beta looks wonderful, but I understand your anxiety & concern.

Hugs for you & thinking of you angel babies - may they be guardian angels to the little bean in your belly.

Anonymous said...

I THINK it's fair to ask for that you aren't given that doctor again... you're at a clinic which means someone else can just as easily breeze through that door for your next appt. Even if it means you'll wait a few extra minutes for someone else to become available, it's totally worth it. I THINK I am tired of dealing with some of these people too and realized that I actually don't have to! Especially with something as important like this when the right doctor can sending you home feeling good about the situation and the wrong one can send you into hysterics. Of this, I know.
Good luck, sending you good thoughts!

Beautiful Mess said...

How frustrating! He should've spent a bit more time with you. I would ask to not see him again, if at all possible. Good luck on Monday! I'm sending lots of prayers for you and a big hug!

Soapchick said...

Hoping that Monday comes fast and that you get a different doctor.

Polly Gamwich said...

Oh how frustrating is this ... I'm so sorry. I hope you get a different doctor on Monday.

Mrs.X said...

Wow, what an incredibly frustrating visit. You would think that they would understand the very special needs of IF patients who are newly pregnant. Perhaps he skipped school that day.

I've been sending you lots of good thoughts and I will continue to do so. Hang in there and just breathe. Oh, and ask nicely if they could get yo someone who isn't so much of a waffle.

squarepeg said...

First off, your betas are wonderful as are the DTs - just look at betabase and you'll see proof :)

As for your doctor today... you should "fire" him if you can - not cool at all to scare an IF pregnant lady. I'm glad you're going back on Monday and I know it will be a better scan!

twondra said...

Thinking of you!!

Molly said...

I hope you are able to keep yourself busy until Monday's ultrasound and with a different, more competent and more empathic doctor. In fact, I would call the clinic and specifically ask that you not see Dr. X.

What a total A-hole of a doctor. I work in the medical profession and I have never told a patient I "think" such and such, especially when it's such an emotionally charged issue. It's standard procedure in the medical field to ask another professional for their opinion, so I don't know what this person's problem is.

It sounds like everything is developing as it should, even though it's hard for your fears to be allayed until you actually see/hear the heartbeat.

I'll be thinking of you and checking for update on Monday.

Cassandra said...

Arrgh, sorry your uncertainty is continuing.

If you get the same RE on Monday and he's still thinking, demand a 2nd opinion before you'll leave the building!

My RE has the ultrasound tech do the U/S while he stands there. She actually knows what she's doing, and would never miss a heartbeat. Plus I like her more than the RE!

Good luck.

Anonymous said...

Unbelievable ... and let me guess who the "I think" doctor is! Last name starts with a "B"?

But -- hey! Rising beta! Signs of a heartbeat! Sacs! I say to remain positive --- this kid is just going to be trouble right from the start! :)
Kristin

Linda said...

Hugs Lisa!!!!!!!

mrsgingergrl said...

Lisa I just want you to know I am thinking of you - very often.... I can only imagine how hard this is. I am still praying and have faith Monday there will be a big strong heartbeat.

shiner said...

All I can say is I am with you. With all this uncertainty it is so hard to be positive so you are awesome - doing great! I will continue to pray for you I really hope this is it for you. ((((hugs))))

Rachel said...

oh my gosh Lisa I just saw on the bump you're pg!!!! and you saw the hb today!!!!! Holy crap I am so so so so so so so so happy for you!!!!!!!!

I have felt so out of the loop lately so I'm sorry I'm just seeing this! I'm so thrilled for you!