I don't know how else to say it other than to just come out and say it, so, here goes....
Life is really good right now......really good.
There, I said it. I'm looking above me and there is no big shoe waiting to fall on my head. I'm looking around and there are no ninjas waiting to attack me.
As a result, I feel kind of boring. Who wants to talk about good things all the time, lol? But, that's what I have. We've moved into our new house. The painting was finished last week and looks great! We're having fun furniture shopping and decorating. I had a rough couple weeks of work, culminating in an all-nighter and 2+ hour drive the next morning, but, I got through it and, coincidentally, had planned a 3 day Atlantic City trip which began the next day. I'm a hop, skip, and jump away from being in my 2nd trimester and, although I felt fine for 12 weeks, I've started feeling some nausea, which I totally welcome because it tells me that things are moving along.
See, all good stuff!
And, to add to it all, I had a surprise birthday party yesterday! My family, Glenn's family, and my best friend and her family (my other BF couldn't be there because her daughter was sick and she didn't want to bring stomach virus anywhere near this pregnant lady!). It was such a surprise (as it was a month after my actual birthday!) and such a wonderful day!
At the end of the evening, I got up and thanked everyone. The lead up to my 40th was pretty harrowing for Glenn. I've been telling him for a year that, if I wasn't pregnant, I did not want to celebrate this birthday. Then, I became pregnant, but, it was so early and tenuous. But, my family persevered and planned something wonderful for me!
Anyway, as I was saying all of this, I made a statement along the lines of "and G-d finally listened to our prayer". As I laid in bed last night, sleep alluding me, I realized that this statement really bothered me. I have always felt that G-d listened to my prayers. My beef with him was not that he wasn't listening, but, that I didn't understand why he wasn't responding. And, I finally got it. It's not that G-d wasn't listening to our prayers. And, it's not that he wasn't responding. The problem was that, while I was hearing his response, I just wasn't listening to his response. The donor egg message was there, loud and clear, for a long time and I chose to push it to the side and continue along the path I was going. Now, that doesn't mean that I regret that decision. Quite the contrary - I truly believe that I had to go through each of those steps to get to where I am today. But, now that I'm here, I truly know that G-d guided me to this place, even if it took some detours to get here.