Friday, April 11, 2008

The importance of dates

No, I'm not talking about the fruit. Nor am I talking about the "dinner and a movie" variety. I'm specifically thinking today about the kind that we check off every day on our calendar. Some dates have much more distinction than others. Even if we have no plans, we all know when it's January 1st. Even if we temporarily forget the first day of the fourth month, one prank pulled and we slap our head and think, yep, I forgot, it's April 1st. Christmas is December 25th. Find me someone - Christian, Muslim, Jewish, or Atheist who doesn't know that one. And, September 11th is a date that is etched into most of our minds and will be forever.

Next we have the dates that are less universally remembered, but, still have some widespread recognition. We hope that our families and friends will remember our birthdays. As we fill in our calendars at the beginning of the year, we look for certain dates - Memorial Day, Good Friday, Yom Kippur, Lent, Ramadan, Thanksgiving, etc... What are the dates we'll miss work for vacation or the dates that the kids have off from school or the date of my cousin's wedding?

But, finally, there are the dates that don't seem to have any significance to anyone but us. And, in many ways, these are the dates on the calendar that are the most prominent, again, if only to us. We are now almost halfway through the month of April and, honestly, I cannot wait to turn the calendar to May. Yes, that is the month of my birthday and the month of my long-anticipated appointment with Dr. Expert, but, that's not why I long to flip the calendar. Every single time I look at the month of April hanging on my wall, my eyes instinctively jump to April 22nd. Why? It's just a random Tuesday in the middle of Passover, right? Not for me. April 22nd was the due date of my very first pregnancy, the one that ended as an ectopic. Assuming I had gone full term, we would have been celebrating a 1st birthday on or around April 22nd. For better or for worse, my life would be so incredibly different than it is now and I wish that I could know what that life would have been like.

I'm not going to go into all of the emotions and desperation tied up in April 22nd. I know that it is not a significant date to anyone but me. But, I reserve the right to elaborate on my feelings as the date gets closer!

My miscarried pregnancy was due this June 15th. At least I get to look at May on my calendar before dealing with that dreaded month...

4 comments:

Amy (MyColonyNJ) said...

I say just forget the rest of the month and flip the calendar.

I had marked off my "weeks" on my work calendar. Mind you it was in "code" because I had not told work.

I marked it until about 16 weeks. Well after I got back from my leave after the m/c, I just HAD to throw it out. I ordered a new one because I just could not stand to see it.

I am sorry that April and June sucks for you.

Maryann said...

I completely understand. For me...it's May & November. Even though I am now pregnant...I can't help but think what could have been.

I hope this month flies for you and the same with June.

Dagny said...

Well, once it gets to may here I will sit and hold on and wait for June. But you will understand that more with my posting on may 18.

I am also a may baby! Go us!

And I hope that your appointment date arrives quickly for you, and that you are preggers again really soon.

xoxo

Ariella said...

I am so sorry for your losses. I agree with Amy can't you just skip to May? ((((HUGS))))

BTW my B-day is the 16th and I am a Taurus. What about you??