I'll admit it. I have made all of this infertility stuff all about me. Sure, I know Glenn is involved and our families hurt that there are no new grandchildren (none at all on my side) and hurt for all that we've been through, but, still, in my mind, I've just let it be more about me. I think that changed a little yesterday.
We went to my friends' son's first birthday party and it was really a lovely party. I know, for some people, events like that are just too painful to attend. While they aren't a picnic for me, I've still been able to go to birthday parties and showers and bris', etc...
We walked in and the first thing I noticed was how many babies and toddlers there were. It was like a punch in my gut, but, I focused on my friends who were there and on their babies, who were adorable. I teared up a couple of times, but, my friends were wonderful! While I held their babies, they soothed me and said they understood how difficult this had to be and asked questions about our upcoming cycle with Dr. Expert.
Oh, I should say, before going on, that the mother of the birthday boy and my other friends there are all women I've met because of infertility, all women who have dealt with it themselves. I will always be grateful to this struggle because of the wonderful women I now get to call my friend.
Anyway, how did I realize it wasn't all about me? At one point, I looked around and saw five or so dads holding their beautiful babies, and then I saw Glenn and could sense his pain and his discomfort and my heart broke for him. He didn't know where to look or what to do, and my heart ached for him.....and for us.