Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Cancelled/Converted

Estrogen Priming Protocol. This is the protocol that was designed for people with low ovarian reserve. This was supposed to work. I honestly wasn't looking for a miracle and would have been happy to just get to 4 eggs, like my best cycle. I just wasn't, in any way, prepared for this to be my worst response out of the 7 injectable cycles I've done!

The doctor who did today's ultrasound, whom I never met before today (that's what happens when you change clinics) said "so, you have 1 nice follicle. Have you thought about moving forward with IVF with the 1 follicle?" Seriously, I had to restrain myself from standing up in the stirrups (in order to tower over him, because that's how I pictured it in my mind) and shouting "Are you effing kidding me?! Have you seen my history??". Instead, I said something way tamer than that, while sitting there, half naked, holding back the tears. His response, in a way-too chipper voice for someone delivering news to a woman about to add another failed cycle badge to her sash, "Oh, yeah, I see in the records that you have 5 failed IVF's. Talk to your doctor later today but I think we should move on and do the IUI. After all, it only takes one!". Really? REALLY? It only takes one???? Huh, I never heard that one before! (note my sarcasm....)

I have 1 follicle. I could have saved thousands of dollars and countless needle holes in my body and still produced 1 follicle. But, tonight, we stuck one more needle, in my butt, to trigger ovulation of my 1 lone follicle and we'll do an IUI on Friday. The odds of that working are so very low, but, maybe this long stim produced a good egg and, well, there's really no harm in doing an IUI.

I have no words to explain how I'm feeling right now and, at the same time, I have a million things I could say. Nothing in between. And, I don't think I have the strength to start the million, so, I'll stick with nothing...for now....

16 comments:

soapchick said...

I'm so sorry. You've tried this more times than I ever could have and I am inspired by your perseverance. Praying for that one good egg for you.

Ms Heathen said...

Oh Lisa. I am so, so sorry. I know what high hopes you had for this new protocol, and I am gutted that it did not produce a better response for you.

My heart goes out to you and to Glenn. You must both be so very disappointed.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry Lisa. I truly am. There are no words for the disappointment. However, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and pray that that one egg is a GREAT one and that those sperm will find it and make things happen!
- Kristin

Mel ~ Psyched for Baby said...

Having a cycle cancelled is a tremendous blow. I don't care when or where it happens in the cycle. All you want to do is curl up in a ball and cry.

New protocols are supposed to give us better results. I'm sure you never in a million years expected this to happen.

You never know, that one little follicle could be your best egg yet, and in the end, bring you your baby.

I'll be thinking of you and sending lots of good thoughts your way!

Kate said...

Oh Lisa - I am so sorry. I wish there was something that I could say or do to make you feel better - but I know there isn't. You are in my thoughts ((HUGS))

Ariella said...

I am so sorry Lisa. I don't know what to say. I will hold out some hope and prayers for your one good follicle. (((((((HUGS))))))))

stacy g. said...

I'm sorry to hear your cycle hasn't gone as planned - that is not fair when you've done everything on your end! But - you have one good follicle, so I will say a prayer, and see what happens! Good luck to you!

smgrunden@yahoo.com

familyoftwo98 said...

Oh wow, I am SO sorry!

Hold out the hope...we are here for you!!!

Busted said...

I'm so sorry...this just sucks. And I'm sure it adds insult to injury when the nurse isn't even on top of your history. Best of luck if you move forward with the IUI, even though I know it's now what you expected.

hopefaithlove said...

Sorry to hear about the one follie :(

Will you get some of your mney back since you are not doing IVF? Just wondering b/c it does not seem fair.

Christi said...

I'm so sorry sweetie! You deserve so much better. I am saying a prayer for you and hoping for the best even though it hasn't worked out as planned.

You and Glenn are in my thoughts!!

Christy said...

What a tremendous blow after all you have already been through. I'm so sorry that you have to go though this. I'll hold a good thought for you though on this converted cycle. Take care.

Beautiful Mess said...

Personally, I would have gone with standing up in the stirrups and either kicking him and yelling at him or yelling at him. I applaud you holding back though. Wishing you good juju and sending you even MORE!
-D *ICLW*

Shinejil said...

I'm mad for you. It sucks to have to go through all this, for naught. Especially when you've been led to believe this might be just the things...

Be kind to yourself, dear. Wishing you healing, comfort, and peace as you deal with this terrible disappointment.

battynurse said...

I'm so sorry about the lack of follicles, converting the cycle and the stupid doctor.

Linda said...

Prayers and support to you Lisa.