Jabberjaw vs Count Chocula

How can there be such conflict in my brain?? I don't know where to go from here. I am pretty sure I want/need to try one more time with my eggs. However, there is a part of me, a small, nagging voice in the back of my head that might be whispering, albeit quietly, "Lisa, it's time, call Clinic A and reinstate yourself to the top of the donor egg list". But, at the same time, and quite a bit louder I might add, I can't help but think "Don't give up on your eggs. We all know it's a huge long shot, but, the next cycle might just be the one that works".

Everyone's heard of the Yin and the Yang, right? The theory behind Yin and Yang is opposition that complements one another, creating a harmonious environment. But, my oppositions don't complement, they contradict. So, I have decided to dub them Fin and Fang.

My Fin, or, as I think of him, Jabberjaw, is a typical shark. He goes on complete instinct. He smells his prey and is compelled to keep going until he locates it and devours it. He will do whatever he needs to do to accomplish his goal and get what he wants/needs. The need in me to pass on my genetic code, and the code of my family, is so very great. This is why there is the part of me that feels like I cannot stop trying. I have been chasing the goal for a long time, and feel like I need to keep chasing and chasing it until I have successfully captured it or the option ceases to exist.

On the flip side, and clearly not complementing my Fin, is my Fang, my little "I vant to suck your blood, mwahhhhhh" vampire. But, since the phlebotomists have taken so much blood out of me throughout all of my cycles, I don't think I have enough left for a real vampire. So, let me introduce you to my Fang, Count Chocula.

Despite what more current popular culture may say, vampires do not have children (so says I). They do not pass their genetic code to the next generation. When a vampire wants to expand her vampire family, she seeks out someone she believes would be a good fit.. She doesn't care whether the new addition has green eyes like her mother, a full head of hair like her father, or a great sense of direction like her grandfather. Her goal is simply to add to her family and that's what she does.

I want to add to my family. Donor eggs would, likely, allow me to do that with a much higher rate of success than with my eggs. We would be able to select a donor who we believe would be a good fit. All the things vampires do.

My Fin and my Fang have the same end goal in mind. Both want me to be Mommy. Both want Glenn to be Daddy. Both want my parents and Glenn's mother to be grandparents (she already is, my parents are not). Where they diverge is the path by which we should get there. Every time they battle in my head, Jabberjaw wins and I feel strongly that we need to keep trying with my eggs.

But, I'll admit, Count Chocula is starting to gain some ground.....