Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Detached

It's been a while since I've written, but, honestly, I don't really have anything substantive to say. I've been feeling very detached this cycle. Numb. I'm really trying not to obsess about every "symptom" or lack thereof, but, seriously, if I squeeze my boobs one more time in public to see if they still hurt (it's the only tangible symptom I have and it's not really much of one), someone is going to arrest me for public indecency.

I have had some cramping, but, honestly, that could mean 10 different things.

I'm simply trying to stay even keel and not think about any of it too much. See, if I start to think about it, my mind eventually goes to the inevitability of failure and, well, trust me, nobody is ready to see the flood of emotions that will follow.

I'm just doing what I can to stay positive, despite the nagging feelings of doubt that keep creeping in. Eh, we'll all know soon enough, right?

9 comments:

Christi said...

This is EXACTLY how I feel, I have to be careful that my coworkers don't catch me touching my boobs! :P

shiner said...

Bless your heart! If you need to feel your boobs for reassurance, girl go for it. This is a hard time and it's completely normal to feel all of the things you are feeling right now. I am praying for you every day and thinking sticky thoughts.

musicmakermomma said...

I know just how you feel - I don't have tingly boobs but my stomach is kind of upset so I'm debating whether that is nausea or if it's all in my head (or if is nausea because of all the drugs in my system!) When is your beta?

Dagny said...

Hang in there.

And you are allowed to feel your boobs any time you want. :D

I understand numb. I hope you get good news and don't have to protect yourself anymore.

xoxoxo

Emily said...

I think we've all copped more feels of the boobs during an IVF cycle than a freshman boy during a makeout session.

Thinking of you and thinking only wonderful thoughts!!!!!!

Ms Heathen said...

Hang on in there, Lisa!

Thinking of you and sending you many, many positive vibes.

Linda said...

Go ahead and squeeze those boobs Lisa! Hang in there!

Emily said...

Thinking of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Beautiful Mess said...

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry you're feeling so detached. I'm sending you big hugs and thinking good thoughts for you!
Hugs,
-D