Wednesday, December 31, 2008

My wishes for peace

I swear, this post will end on a positive!

Before that, though, a little reflection. Glenn and I were reminiscing and trying to decide which was worse for us - 2007 or 2008:

Uncle Allen passes away
Failed IVF #3
Uncle Teddy passes away
Miscarriage/D&C from IVF #4
Mimi Anna (my grandmother) passes away

Glenn's heart attack
Failed IVF #5
My multiple health scares (rheumatologist, hematologist, cardiologist)
Glenn's 4 angioplasty's
Failed IVF #6
Failed IVF #7
Our house officially on the market for almost 16 months

In the end, we've decided that it was a tie. Both years sucked.

But, don't get me wrong, there have been good things. Although it ended poorly, for a few weeks in 2007 it was wonderful to know that I was actually pregnant. This year, my mother got a kidney and a new lease on life. In this terrible economy, Glenn and I have both remained employed.

Also in 2008, I started this blog, and that definitely goes on the plus list. It has been a wonderful source of support for me and has given me the opportunity to "meet" and become virtual friends with so many of you. I just asked Glenn a question about 2007 and he realized what I was probably writing about and had the nerve to tell me (and, believe me, I told him it was nervy) that I shouldn't write this post because he felt that people don't want to always hear about misery. After telling him that he doesn't have to read it if he doesn't like what I'm posting, I realized that he is absolutely right. We are all tired of reading about each other's misery. If it was in our control, we would change it, not only for ourselves, but for everyone we know. I would like nothing more than to open everyone's blog tomorrow and read that they have been matched with a birth mother, successfully achieved a pregnancy, have no worries about a pregnancy ending badly, have given birth and brought their beautiful, healthy child home, and have no family, financial, employment, or other health problems.

But, that's not the reality of many of our lives. So, with everything I have in me, I thank you all for the support, encouragement, advice, suggestions, hugs, and love you have given me. And, the only resolution I will make this year is to continue being here for all of you into 2009 and beyond.

I am glad that 2008 is drawing to a close. Seriously, 2008, and its recent neighbor, 2007, can go to hell. I have no expectations of 2009, but, if I can be so bold as to hope for something, I wish for there to be Peace in the world, Peace in all of our families, and Peace in each of our individual hearts and souls.


Anonymous said...

I don't look at it as "reading about your misery"- I just look at it as reading about your life. And I think through your struggles, somewhere out there, you're helping someone else with theirs. Even if they just are able to see that they aren't alone.

I'm sorry 2007 & 2008 sucked, but that only leaves high hopes for 2009. I hope this new year brings you everything you want and more. You deserve it!!


shiner said...

Here's to a great 2009, whatever ART measures it may hold for you. I wish you happiness and peace:o)

Anonymous said...

Go to Denver and I think 2009 will be a great year for you!!

Emily said...

Beautiful post Lisa! I am so very sorry for the two shitty years you have had.

I love your resolution - that is one I can stick to.

Peace to you and yours...

Here's to 2009!

Polly Gamwich said...

I too can't decide if 2007 or 2008 was worse ... it's really all just a blur.

And expectations for 2009 ... here's hoping.

Ms Heathen said...

Like tsdk, I don't really think of it as 'reading about your misery'. Infertility takes each and every one of us to some very dark places, but in sharing our own stories, and in reading of other people's struggles, we can all of us come to feel less alone.

I wish you peace and happiness in 2009, dearest Lisa.

Modern Orthodox IF said...

you sound like me trying to figure out which year was worse!!
hopefully 2009 will be better for you!

Anonymous said...

I have to tell you that I got a GREAT chuckle (and a simultaneous teary eye or two) out of your post....especially the part where you say 2007/08 can go to hell. It's EXACTLY how I's the simplest and most effective way to put it.'s to 2008 going to hell! Cheers!