C'mon, how can it be that I have nothing to say? Me?!
I've been telling everyone that starting and writing in this blog has been the number one, most therapeutic thing I've done since the beginning of our infertility struggles. It really is. But, then, as I thought last night that I should write something, my mind went blank. I had nothing to say. Nothing much has happened the last few days, unless you all want to hear about the cough I'm still fighting, the all-nighter I pulled for work, or my latest trip to Target. Nah, I didn't think you did.
I have nothing to say because we are on a bit of a treatment break. I'm waiting for my medical records from Clinic A before I can make an appointment at Clinic C (went to Clinic B for a 2nd opinion a year ago). So, we're on this little break where we're not cycling at all. How incredibly odd to not call someone the day I got my period. I was at a loss. After almost 2 years of telling some random person on the phone that my period started, how could I just sit around and not let "someone" know! But, who could I call? Nobody I know in real life would (or should) want this little bit of information. So, I picked up the phone and called the operator and told her! (OK, I didn't, but, it would have made a funny story, wouldn't it?)
Anyway, back to my treatment break. I hate being on a break. At least, when I'm cycling, it feels like we have a chance. Breaks mean very little to no chance. I've had pretty long breaks between all of my cycles and I've hated each of them. When a cycle has ended, unsuccessfully, I've kept my sanity by looking forward and counting the days until the next one could start. And here I find myself, on another break, with no idea when we might start again or what kind of cycle we might do. I absolutely hate being on this break!!
Or, do I? Maybe I'm not hating it this time so much. This break feels a little different. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm in a different place emotionally right now. But, if I'm totally honest with myself, maybe, just maybe, I'm actually enjoying this break a little bit. Life is status quo right now, and, you know what, that isn't really so bad. I'm doing OK.
I guess that's why I have nothing to write about today.