Friday, June 13, 2008

I hate calendars

That sounds pretty dumb, doesn't it? Why would anyone hate a calendar?

As kids, calendars were great. You circled your birthday, the days off from school and, the best of all, the last day of school (and the first day, if you were a geek like me and couldn't wait to go back!). Birthday parties for your friends made it onto the calendar. Vacations were on the calendar. All good things!

Now, I look at my calendar and I just want to scream. First of all, I don't know when people in the business world decided that holding 7 and 8am conference calls was acceptable, but, look at my calendar and you'll see that they've become a regular occurrence. I have at least two a week. My days start with these hard-to-even-concentrate-this-early calls, followed by meeting after meeting after meeting.

Then, there are the upcoming doctor appointments on the calendar. Glenn and I have dubbed the last week in June "the week of the ologists" because I'm meeting with the rheumatologist and the hematologist and have to call the reproductive endocrinologist and report what happens at both.

But, it's the events that are not written on the calendar even though we know exactly what day they belong attached to that are the hardest.

Tomorrow, June 14th, was my due date. Of course, there is nothing on any of my calendars about it, but, when I look anywhere in the vicinity of a calendar, it's as if every other day fades away and tomorrow jumps right out. I can't even go into what I'm feeling right now about tomorrow. I don't think I have to.

Our anniversary is next week, June 19th. For a short time, we were going to have a baby before our 3rd anniversary. Before Glenn's 48th birthday on June 28th. Will I always look at a calendar and see only June 14th, while those other dates fade away? I don't know, I guess only time will tell.

Oh, to be a kid again, where looking at a calendar elicits a sense of excitement and anticipation at what's coming up.....


Ariella said...

I am so sorry. Sending you a big hug for tomorrow.

Amy (MyColonyNJ) said...

Sending {{Hugs}} your way!

Ariella said...

I have been thinking of you all day. I hope you get to have a quite day at home with DH and can just ingnore the world.