Saturday, January 17, 2009

Playing dress-up

We had Glenn's family over for dinner last night to celebrate my brother-in-law's birthday and to finish our Chanukah/Christmas celebration. It was a fun evening.

I love being around my nieces and nephews. Well, let me clarify that - I love my nieces and nephews, but, it's not always easy being around them. Spending time with my nieces is harder for me. The boys are 12 and 15 - 7 and 10 when I first met them. I love spending time with them and feel like I've been an influence on them, but, they were both a little older when I met them. That's not to say that there aren't times when I find myself sad being with them, but, it's not as baby oriented because they are older.

The girls, on the other hand, are 8 and almost 4. The older one was 3 when I first met her and the little one was born 3 months before our wedding. It's not that I don't love being with the girls, but, it is often quite difficult. It's even harder because, while the mother of the boys totally understands why it would be hard for me, but, mother of the girls doesn't get it at all. So, in front of her, I have to work harder to hide my sadness, which only makes it even more difficult. At one point last night, the 4 year old was sitting on Glenn's lap facing him and they were playing together and hugging. Nobody else in the room was paying attention to them, while I couldn't take my eyes off of them. It literally felt like someone put their hands around my heart and started squeezing. My sister-in-law would never understand that.

Anyway, my parents left and, a little while later, everyone else left, except my brother-in-law, sister-in-law, and the girls. The 8 year old wanted to see my room, so we went upstairs, with the little one following. They started jumping on my bed. Let me tell you, the glee on the face of a 4 year old jumping on the bed may be one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen.

Then, the 8 year old went in my closet and saw my shoes and asked if she could try them on. Of course, her little sister joined her, and, next thing I knew, there were two little girls clomping around in my heels, and my sandals, and my boots, etc.... I grabbed some scarves and some purses and dressed them up further and they started dancing in front of the mirror and singing songs and my heart just melted.

When we came back down (with scarves and purses, but, sans shoes - little feet should not walk down the stairs in size 10's!) both my sister-in-law and her mother (who was up from Florida visiting) gave me the you-have-the-patience-of-someone-who-doesn't-have-children look and said something along the lines of "we don't let them do that" and "better at your house...".

I truly hope I NEVER feel that way.

20 comments:

Dagny said...

I agree.

You are wonderful.

xoxo

Mrs.X said...

The gift that you gave those girls is immeasurable, even more so because of how much it cost you (but also gave you). It is such a shame that not everyone understood. But, I hope that it's enough that you and we do.

Emily said...

Oh this post got me all teary eyed. As an aunt to 11 beautiful nieces & nephews age 1 - 22, I know these moments too well. They are a gift and a curse all at once. BIG HUGS!

Ms Heathen said...

It is testimony to your wonderful strength, courage and generosity that you were able to set aside your own pain and to allow those little girls to have such fun.

Thinking of you!

shiner said...

You know what - just because someone else doesn't understand your pain doesn't mean you have to put on a "happy face" to please them. I did that shit for 4 years and got really, really sick of it. Finally I just went with my true feelings and when asked told the truth. I've been told on several occasions "I just don't understand" and my response is "of course you don't, you're not infertile." The next time it was "of course you don't, you have kids." I am sorry this was a rough evening for you emotionally/infertility wise. It makes sense though. I hope you don't mean that they were admonishing you for letting them play dress up - that's over the top rude.

Beautiful Mess said...

Good for you! You gave those girls a great gift! I know you will not be a "stuck up" mom. I agree with Shiner, I hope you can allow yourself to show your true feelings.
Hugs,
-D

In Due Time said...

((((Hugs))))

My niece is my saving grace. Her parents suck, though. I often wish I could pack her up and run away with her. Heh.

littleangelkisses said...

Good for you! Let me tell you, if you are doing it for them now, you'll do it for your own. YES, it IS better at your house!

wheresmy2lines said...

Hi,just read your history and Im so sorry for everything that you have been thru. I hope it gets better from here!

Here from ICLW

Jill said...

what a great and precious memory you gave them. Their mother was right, it is better at your house :)

Hi from ICLW

Soralis said...

Sounds like a fun time! Bet the kids just love you!

I read your story. I am so sorry that you are still fighting the IF battle. Take care and good luck

ICLW

Modern Orthodox IF said...

i totally understand how hard these things are!! I'm so sorry you had to deal with this!

~Jess said...

I hate that look...that you wouldn't be humoring the kids as much if they were your own.

What a fun aunt you are :-)

ICLW

Michelle said...

I completely agree! I think it is wonderful you spent that time with them.

Cara said...

You won't - because you have gained perspective. It sucks how it comes to us, but we keep it forever. For me - it was loss. After Emma died, I made parenting vows that I have kept to this day. I always will.

So will you.
ILCW

awakeintheworld said...

I very much understand about nieces/nephews and the unique combination of joy and pain that they bring. I agree with someone else here who said that you gave them a wonderful gift.

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful post that brought tears to my eyes.

Kristin said...

You are a fabulous aunt and will be an even better mom one day. My mom always let us dress up in her stuff. That's my one regret about only having boys...no one to dress up with.

ICLW

GINA and KEV said...

I say you keep right on playing with those little girls just as much as you can. And I'm sure it IS better at your house.

ICLW

Bee Cee said...

What a lovely story about the dressing up and playing. I don't believe its about patience or not having children at all, I think its because you genuinely care and that is inside you whether you have children or not.