In response to my Come One, Come All offer, I received the following email. The author asked not to be identified. I hope seeing her note posted will help!
"I found your blog from reading my daughter's blog. Like you, she's struggling with infertility. She's had 6 inseminations and is now trying IVF for the second time. The first time didn't work.
Her struggle breaks my heart. Her two sisters both have children and this has been very hard for her. She feels, in her words "broken" and nothing I say seems to help. I understand from reading different blogs (I really try to understand) that there may be nothing I can say to help, but, I'm a mom and it's hard to watch your child go through such a struggle.
I've tried to tell her that it pains me to see her in such pain, but, she gets defensive and spits back that this is her pain, not mine and that I can't understand because I got pregnant easily. She's right, I don't understand it completely, but I still hurt tremendously for her. My hope is that she reads this through eyes other than a daughter and can understand that her mother isn't trying to take away from her pain, but that I hurt along with her and for her. As long as she feels this pain I will feel it with her."
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
I've come to the realization that having faith means you have to accept that you may never know "why" things happen. Well, it ain't easy! So, my hope is that writing about my feelings will help me make as much sense of life as I can!
About Me
- Lisa
- New Jersey
- Hi, thanks for visiting! I'm very open about my long struggle with infertility. My theory is that, by putting yourself out there, you can help others and learn from anyone willing to open up to you! So, feel free to ask me anything you want and tell me about your experiences!
Hey, I'd like to follow along!
Infertility History
- Here's a high-level account of our cycle history. I can elaborate on any of these steps if anyone has any questions (i.e., over-supressing due to drug mistake, my acupuncture experience, the process of getting on the egg donor list, etc...)
- May '06 - First met with RE
- August '06 - IVF #1, antagon protocol, PREGNANT, ectopic resolved with methotrexate
- October '06 - IVF #2, microflare protocol, medication error, over-supressed, converted to IUI #1, negative, diagnosed with Ovarian Reserve Issues
- January '07 - started acupuncture, body stopped ovulating for 2.5 months
- March '07 - IVF #3, microflare protocol, cancelled due to lack of production, stopped acupuncture
- April '07 - Went for second opinion. Doctor concurred with diagnosis and treatment recommendations of first clinic
- May '07 - Passed donor prep cycle, put our names on the egg donor list (matched twice during IVF #4 but we declined since we got pregnant)
- August '07 - IUI #2 (not enough eggs to do IVF), straight Follistim, negative
- September/October '07 - IVF #4, straight Follistim, PREGNANT, m/c at 7 weeks, D&C
- Feb' 08 - IVF #5, straight Follistim, negative
- May '08 - Met with a new RE and put a gameplan in place to do IVF #6 in August!
- August '08 - IVF #6, Estrogen Priming protocol, only produced 1 follicle, converted to IUI #3, negative
- October '08 - IVF #7, co-flare protocol, negative
- January '09 - phone consultation with THE expert. He validated that we'd done every protocol and technique and should move on to donor egg
- February '09 - matched and accepted egg donor. Preparing for DE IVF...
- March '09 - DE cycle, 23 eggs retrieved, 3 embryos transferred, 1 frozen
- April '09 - pregnant! 2 sacs seen, but, only one developed
- December '09 - our beautiful daughter was born, making us a family of three!
- And, just to complete the picture, some of the other things that happened during our IF struggle
6 comments:
I think this is a great idea!
In response to the post: My mom is going through what you are. While she doesn't understand our pain, I know it hurts her that we have to go through this, that there is nothing she can do to take away our pain.
I too get a bit angry with my mom when she says that it hurts her. It's my hurt. While I can understand her hurt, I also know that her hurt is for what I'm going through. It's hard, because I do understand what she's saying, but it doesn't help me feel any better.
It's a whole huge cluster of emotions.
Aww I got all teary when I read this. I hope the pain can be lessened with the love her mother has. I know she can't take away her pain, but I hope it can be lessened.
Oh wow. First of all, how very cool of you to offer your blog like this. I'm glad people are taking you up on it.
Second, what a great post. It has reminded me to step outside of myself and look at others. I definitely didn't do that while going through infertility. I'm trying to do that now since the loss of our babies - to remind myself that my family misses them too. Thank you so much for sharing.
I want to respond to the mom who wrote this (btw great idea!)
As someone who went through IF and IVF to conceive, while watching both my sister and SIL continue to be very fertile, I felt like I was dying inside and NO ONE could understand unless they'd been infertile themselves.
My mother and I had VERY similar conversations to this post many many times.
Now that I'm a mother (to a 3 month old beautiful boy!) I understand what my mom was saying. I wish I could have seen it then. I wish I could have believed her that my pain was truly just as painful for her because after all, she is my mother.
I know that now. I just wish I knew then.
I'm sorry. I think one day your daughter will understand.
Response to Mom:
What a lovely post. It warms my heart that you took the time to explain how your daughters situation affects you and your desire to support her.
She is right, it is her pain, becuase your pain would go away if hers did, but you love your daughter and of course you hurt if she hurts.
The only thing I would offer as any advice (and please dismiss if you don't feel it's relevant) is learn learn learn about the problems/procedures/technicalities/terms about IVF. If someone takes the time to learn as much as possible, that's the best support you can give.
Often people clam up with family and friends cause it takes so much emotional energy to keep explaining things and answering what can be seen as dumb questions. I think it's a huge way to show you care.
Wonderful post. Such a loving, caring, supportive mother. Too bad she's not the norm.
Post a Comment