One year ago. It was one year ago, around 11:30 pm or so, that Glenn woke me up saying he was having trouble breathing. He was cold and clammy and sweating and couldn't calm down. I just knew that he was having a heart attack, despite the fact that he felt no chest pain.
In all fairness, I had warning signs. I had been out of town on business that week. Glenn told me that he was having some pain in his arm when he was active, but, he thought it was muscular. I finally convinced him to call his doctor (I think the name Dr. Clueless fits best), who, stupidly, we trusted. Dr. Clueless told him to "keep an eye on it".
And, this is where my guilt starts. I don't think I could have done anything different, but, the reality is that I was working extremely long hours on this business trip and caught up in my own thing. Glenn couldn't tell me specifically what the pain was and so I just let him deal with it.
I got home late Thursday night and had to drive back to Pennsylvania Friday morning to deliver something to a VP. I was utterly exhausted, but rushed back home because Dr. Clueless was going to see Glenn at 1:30. He did an EKG and said everything was fine. Glenn kept saying that the arm pain got bad when he was active. He even got up and did a little dance to try to show him. What did Dr. Clueless do? He sent us to the hospital for a shoulder x-ray, saying that he thought it was muscular but wanted to rule out a bone issue.
Obviously, the problem was not with his shoulder. We got home from the hospital around 6:00 and, a mere five hours later, my husband suffered a heart attack while sitting on the couch watching TV. We spent the next 3 days in the ICU. In fact, I was sitting in the waiting room of the ICU when I got the call that IVF #5 was negative.
It was about a month after all of this that I started this blog, so, you all know the rest - the follow-up angioplasties, the 6th and 7th IVF's.....
2008 was a pretty rotten year for us. So far, though, 2009 is looking much brighter. But, even if everything doesn't go our way, I still have the love of my life by my side and, at least today, on the anniversary of his heart attack, that is more than I could ever ask for!
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I've come to the realization that having faith means you have to accept that you may never know "why" things happen. Well, it ain't easy! So, my hope is that writing about my feelings will help me make as much sense of life as I can!
About Me
- Lisa
- New Jersey
- Hi, thanks for visiting! I'm very open about my long struggle with infertility. My theory is that, by putting yourself out there, you can help others and learn from anyone willing to open up to you! So, feel free to ask me anything you want and tell me about your experiences!
Hey, I'd like to follow along!
Infertility History
- Here's a high-level account of our cycle history. I can elaborate on any of these steps if anyone has any questions (i.e., over-supressing due to drug mistake, my acupuncture experience, the process of getting on the egg donor list, etc...)
- May '06 - First met with RE
- August '06 - IVF #1, antagon protocol, PREGNANT, ectopic resolved with methotrexate
- October '06 - IVF #2, microflare protocol, medication error, over-supressed, converted to IUI #1, negative, diagnosed with Ovarian Reserve Issues
- January '07 - started acupuncture, body stopped ovulating for 2.5 months
- March '07 - IVF #3, microflare protocol, cancelled due to lack of production, stopped acupuncture
- April '07 - Went for second opinion. Doctor concurred with diagnosis and treatment recommendations of first clinic
- May '07 - Passed donor prep cycle, put our names on the egg donor list (matched twice during IVF #4 but we declined since we got pregnant)
- August '07 - IUI #2 (not enough eggs to do IVF), straight Follistim, negative
- September/October '07 - IVF #4, straight Follistim, PREGNANT, m/c at 7 weeks, D&C
- Feb' 08 - IVF #5, straight Follistim, negative
- May '08 - Met with a new RE and put a gameplan in place to do IVF #6 in August!
- August '08 - IVF #6, Estrogen Priming protocol, only produced 1 follicle, converted to IUI #3, negative
- October '08 - IVF #7, co-flare protocol, negative
- January '09 - phone consultation with THE expert. He validated that we'd done every protocol and technique and should move on to donor egg
- February '09 - matched and accepted egg donor. Preparing for DE IVF...
- March '09 - DE cycle, 23 eggs retrieved, 3 embryos transferred, 1 frozen
- April '09 - pregnant! 2 sacs seen, but, only one developed
- December '09 - our beautiful daughter was born, making us a family of three!
- And, just to complete the picture, some of the other things that happened during our IF struggle
8 comments:
Wow, a year ago already. So glad he's doing well and that 2009 is looking brighter already!
I totally think you should kick 2008 right in the a**. Try not to feel guilty, I know it's easier said then done, but your an amazing wife. You two are lucky to have each other. Glad all is going well in 2009. HUGS!!!
Glenn's heart attack must have been such a terrifying experience for you both, Lisa.
I'm so glad that, one year on, he has made a full recovery and that, as a couple, you are stronger than ever.
Amen sister ... I mean seriously, to have gone through that, and to say that you still have Glenn is HUGE, I cannot imagine how grateful you feel that he made it through that major trauma.
I too hope 2009 brings you amazing things ... yeah, not sure it could get worse than getting the news of a BFN in an ICU waiting room. That must have been like a sock to the gut.
Here's to a much better 2009!
How scary it must have been. I can't believe all you have been though. You deserve so much good karma and happiness in 2009! So glad Glenn is doing well!
That's a happy anniversary!
Happy 2009 to you too!
So glad things are looking better in 2009. What a positive difference one year has made in your life.
Praying 2009 is the year you both have been dreaming of!
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